Newsletter 31st July 2022
Today, I want to talk about fear because …
I have to have a second eye operation on Tuesday (2 August).
And thanks to divine timing, as part of my newsletter series on procrastination, I always had the idea that I would eventually talk about fear.
Because the kind of procrastination that holds you back is always fear based, or some part of it. It may be hiding in your unconscious, where it can influence your decisions and your actions without detection.
And whatever triggers fear, it rises up in you from the same source.
And… guess what, when I focus in on my upcoming op., I start to feel pretty scared. My mind runs wild and starts to play havoc with all things rational (the op. has a 98% success rate… but my mind says …yes but what if…). And that’s just the start of it.
I remember years ago in my late twenties, I was in a car accident.
There were four of us in the car, and we were on our way to The College of Traditional Five Element Acupuncture, where we were all students.
We’d travelled together since the start of the course.
We knew all the quickest routes.
It was early morning, misty, and there was damp in the air.
I was in the back, idly watching the rural farming landscape slide by.
The narrow lane was very twisty and as the driver took a bend the car started to skid.
The car left the road and time stood still as the horizon started to turn. The car was moving through the air at an impossible angle.
Apparently, I said ‘oh s**t’.
What I remember thinking is : ‘Oh my. I’m about to find out what it’s like to die.’
And here’s the thing, hand on heart, I felt No Fear. Only curiosity.
I even had time to think: I’m not actually feeling fear.
And if ever there was a moment to experience fear; being in a car leaving the road and spinning out of control while watching the horizon tilt 180 degrees, that would probably be it. No?
Everything continued in slow-motion.
The car eventually came down on its roof, but before that happened, I hit my head so hard on the back window, it popped out, and then I tumbled out of the gap and landed in the field, as I briefly lost consciousness. I know this because there was a car behind us watching it all happen, and I asked the driver, because I had no idea how I came to be outside the car.
When I came to, the driver of that car and I got the others out of the wreckage of the car.
I remember an eerie silence everywhere, apart from the car making little tinkling noises as it settled upside down.
Somehow, no-one was hurt. (I did in fact have a neck injury, but that took months to reveal itself, and that’s another story. It may possibly have played into this eye story… who knows. It’s on the same side, the left).
I’m telling this story because it clearly showed me that in the moment when you think fear should’ve been be present and palpable, it was not.
I’m not sure how we then got to the college, but we all did, and we were given acupuncture treatments by the college tutors.
At lunchtime we met for coffee down by the river. Feeling tired.
That was when the fear and the ‘what ifs’ started to creep in.
Fear plays so many tricks on the mind…
Fear will happily take over the mind.
And it will sometimes overwhelm.
It can run rings around logic, around rationality, around reality, and even around hope and desire.
The question is, what use is fear really?
It clouds the mind. It fogs our ability to focus with clarity. It stifles inspiration. And of course it can hold us back, indefinitely.
An adrenalin rush can be useful if you’re being chased through the forest by a tiger, but otherwise? It doesn’t help.
Fear can and will affect outcomes.
Fear-based action is not inspired, or creative, or in anyone’s best interest.
And yet it is so persuasive and pervasive. We seem to be totally hard-wired for anxiety and worry.
So when you get caught up in fear, as I do every now and then at the moment, try pausing. Don’t fight the fear. Then try taking a step away in your mind and allow yourself to take a few deep breaths.
Then remind yourself of this : fear solves nothing. Fear doesn’t bring about positive outcomes.
Fear is not serving you.
And know that it’s true.
And btw. for all my EFT friends, Tapping seems to be the best remedy I’ve ever found to calm fear.
Walking the Walk…
The personal transformation work that I live by and feel so grateful for will expect me to answer this question….
What are the hidden blessings…???
I’ve had to dip in and out of this one….but here goes…
Fear really doesn’t serve me .. (True).
An even deeper appreciation of the beauty of my walks…the colours and the light.
Deciding to learn to play the violin.
Appreciating the extraordinary expertise of the medical profession.
Recognising that I still have remnants of early trauma responses in my system:
The so-called need to prove myself…
(I have nothing to prove).
The way I push myself sometimes… (slow down).
Inability to have faith…
(Learning to have more faith…which I’m really not good at…and is probably the work of a life time).
Having a closer and deeper sense of the potential for sheer joy in life. (Finding the Joy).
Wish me luck